Tottenham should just let Harry Kane go, while Erling Haaland is practically a Manchester United player…

 

French fancies
We hate to go back to Stan Collymore so soon (we don’t) after Monday’s Mediawatch highlighted his cliche-ridden nonsense about Romelu Lukaku but another day brings another column in the Daily Mirror.

Even if we forgive him for repeating several times that he hopes Barcelona go bankrupt – which would leave thousands of people unemployed – we cannot just allow him to write this nonsense:

‘I’m still not convinced any team from France can be battle-hardened enough for the latter stages of the competition when they are playing teams of the quality they have in Ligue 1 week in, week out.’

PSG literally reached the Champions League final – where they lost 1-0 to Bayern Munich – in a game which was played less than a year ago.

Collymore ‘always speaks his mind’ but it’s a real problem if his mind does not hold information which is less than 12 months old.

 

Free Harry Kane
But our real dismay is saved for Collymore arguing that Tottenham should just let Harry Kane leave.

‘CUT the cord, Tottenham! Harry Kane wants to go, so let him go.’

Because that’s how football transfers work. Just let the poor sod go.

‘I know he hasn’t covered himself in glory but the last thing any new manager wants is a player moping around the training ground, especially when it’s the star man.’

Indeed. And what a message to send to other footballers – just stamp your feet, look miserable – and your club should just let you go. Is it not relevant that no club has actually bid the asking price? Or should Spurs just ‘cut the cord’ and sell for less?

‘In Heung-Min Son and Lautaro Martinez, should they get him, Spurs have plenty enough to push on this season.’

That is a hell of a big ‘should’, but go on…

‘So it’s time for Daniel Levy to get £160million in and let Harry meet Jacky at the Etihad.’

Can anybody spot the tiny flaw in this argument? At this stage we really don’t think the problem is that Levy will not accept £160m but that nobody is offering £160m. But still…’let him go’.

 

The Truth
‘The truth behind Man City’s Harry Kane transfer ‘hint’ in Jack Grealish photographs’ is the headline in the Manchester Evening News.

The ‘truth’ is that the Manchester Evening News wanted to get ‘Harry Kane transfer’ in the same headline as ‘Grealish’ and they really will plumb any and all depths.

You’re welcome.

 

Crunch time
New Tottenham boss Nuno Espirito Santo artfully flat-batted any questions about Harry Kane this week, saying when asked if he will face Manchester City this Sunday:

“All the players who are in the squad, who work there on a daily basis, will be the options and then it is up to us to decide.”

Santo spoke without saying anything at all and entirely avoided using the words ‘Harry’ or ‘Kane’.

So of course it makes the back page of The Sun, with Charlie Wyett claiming that Santo ‘admits he faces a crunch decision over whether he plays Harry Kane’. Sorry, but did he balls. You might as well say that he ‘admits he faces a crunch decision about Ben Davies’. Or Harry Winks.

Oh and it will never not make us laugh that anyone from The Sun now writes ‘Spurs chairman Daniel Levy wants a fee of £160million for his star man but City are refusing to pay that much’ after this wedding-prompted debacle.

 

Disaster movie
Sticking with The Sun and Wyett, he writes that Lukaku had a ‘disastrous three years’ at Chelsea. He also writes that the Belgian ‘wants to re-write history’, which is clearly bollocks and makes no sense but we will skate over that for now and talk about those ‘disastrous three years’ in which he played just 198 Premier League minutes for the Blues but had two hugely successful loan spells which led to him requesting a permanent transfer away from the club for a pretty large fee.

It doesn’t sound disastrous.

Maybe, just maybe, he is not returning to Chelsea for ‘unfinished business’ but because they are the current European champions, are amongst the favourites for the Premier League title and they have shown immense trust in his abilities by offering to pay Inter Milan almost £100m for his services.

 

Spot the baller
On The Sun website, they have hot news about Jadon Sancho…

Jadon Sancho spotted in Man Utd training for first time after £77.5m transfer as he prepares for Leeds in Prem opener’

‘Spotted’ is an excellent word to describe The Sun accessing those pictures as part of their Getty Images subscription.

Oh and The Sun themselves admit – as part of a tortured series of cycling puns – that ‘the brakes are on’ as he is ‘unlikely to face Leeds on Saturday’.

Still, very careless to allow himself to be ‘spotted’ in a series of approved photographs.

 

Haal or nothing
Never mind Sancho, the Mirror website is here to bring you the real Manchester United transfer news…

‘Erling Haaland transfer set with Man Utd handed advantage after Borussia Dortmund reveal’

The word ‘advantage’ is literally never used in the piece, while Manchester United are not mentioned at all for 23 whole paragraphs that explain at some length that Haaland will not leave Dortmund this summer, which we already knew.

Then it turns out that the ‘advantage’ is that United have the ‘trump cards’ of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and Jadon Sancho. Which will definitely, definitely persuade him to turn down Real Madrid. Oh yes. The transfer is ‘set’.

 





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